Matt's Rant Part 1

   Have you ever felt stuck before, like life just wasn't going the way you wanted it to? Are you tired of people around you having everything and you have nothing even though you're trying so hard? So hard that you feel like you're going to explode from stress? If you have felt that way then you have the same problem I do. We are not a product of slim choosing but of our own design.

   These people around us that have things that we want have worked hard and networked themselves to get to where they are today. They are open minded individuals who know where they want to be in life and have taken the opportunity that was open to them by their hard work and determination. I am not saying that we haven't worked hard to get to where we are at. What I am saying is that maybe we just didn't zig when we should have zagged. This doesn't mean that we are stuck, it just means that we need to explore new routes to get to where we want to be. I have realized that we as individuals create our own stress by pulling way to much on ourselves than we can bare at the present moment.

   Just because we haven't made the right choices doesn't mean it is over for us. No, it just means that we have to take a different path. Making mistakes is a part of being human. It's how we learn and evolve into great individuals. Some of us however have to repeat the mistake several times before learning a lesson from our errors. For me, I have found myself a victim of guilt and being told that I was no good and that I would never amount to much. Why I let others place a limit on my growth and accent to greatness is a mystery to me. The only answer I can come up with is fear and the negative attack to my self esteem.

   My confidence had been shaken at a young age. It wasn't until the last three years that I've begin to believe in myself. I have realized that some of us don't like to blame ourselves for our shortcomings so we look to blame other things or people. It's not anyone or anythings fault that your still in the position your in today. It's not even your fault because you've been controlled by fear, guilt or some other emotion that has been controlling you and keeping you still. But it is up to you to get past them. Since realizing my own failure to move forward with my life, I have been trying to network and build up my life the way that I want it to be. It's going to be hard and very stressful and I know that I lack the drive sometimes to put myself out there because I start to doubt myself but I must succeed. The thing is that I know there is always others out there that have had it a lot harder than me so why am I having a hard time believing that others will see my worth in a positive perspective?

   The problem I am have is that I don't have enough confidence in myself or believe that I have the skills required to achieve my goals and achieve my dreams because I lack the experience or knowledge. So now I am on a guest for knowledge and experience. Doubt is a dream killer and fear is a locked door that keeps us from doing what we want. The reason we see others around us being successful is because they wanted it so bad that they wouldn't stop for anything until they got what they wanted. So the question that I have for myself and others like me is "How bad do you want it?" This is what I ask myself everyday.

   My journey started for independence and making something of myself started a long time ago. At a young age, I was made fun of in school and ridiculed. I felt like a failure at home because it seemed as if I was always in trouble for something. This is when I turned to drawing and reading comic books. I didn't have much friends or things to do for fun so my imagination ran wild. I made straight A's and B's in art class. I made drawing a passion of mine. It was funny because mom would always get on to me for drawing monsters. The reason I drew them was because that was how I seen my life.



   My son was born in 1995. I didn't graduate from High School until 1997. Afterwards, I tried my hand at college but was very indecisive about what I really wanted to study. Things didn't work out for me and I ended up dropping out, going back and dropping out again. It was during this time that I was introduced to Star Wars and the realm of George Lucas' imagination. My good friend from school, James Howell, introduced me to Star Wars. After seeing one movie, I was hooked. I didn't have enough money at the time to buy the box set.

   I really wanted the movies so that I could watch them all in chronological order so I could understand the whole story. We were very limited on our finances and only had enough to splurge every so often.  I had a game system in which I had to take to the local pawn shop to get money so that I could get my son some things he needed if that gives you a rough idea of how hard we had it. It was just me and my son living in a two bedroom apartment. While I was at the pawn shop, I spotted the trilogy box set of Star Wars setting on the shelf and immediately counted my money after pawning my game console. I had more than enough to get what I need for my son and buy the box set, which was only ten dollars. I bought the box set and went to the store to get what we needed.
 
   After getting home, I spent time with my son and finished up the chores I needed to get done before relaxing for the day. When my son went down for nap, I popped the first movie of the trilogy into the VCR we had. I was amazed at how incredible the movie was and at how creative the universe that was created by George Lucas. Shortly afterwards, I began collecting start wars memorabilia. Before I realized it, I had over three-thousand dollars worth of stuff collected. My walls was lined up with action figures and light-sabers. My collection ended up going to my son one year when I didn't have enough money to get everything I wanted to get him for his birthday. Everything was still in brand new condition and unopened. I am still an avid Star Wars fan and cannot wait until the new movies come out in 2015.

   From then up to now, I've tried to rebuild my collection but to no avail, I haven't been able to. I am still wanting to rebuild my collection and go to a Star Wars Celebration, which I have yet to do. Star Wars opened up my creativity and desire to design my own world and system even more than ever before. Since then, I have started writing my own book. I am still working on it because I have procrastinated over the years and ended up loosing some of my data. I am currently working on the design for an online web comic book series.


   Two years ago I started breaking out of my shell and joined a pro wrestling company. I wrestled for about a year under the name Seth Alexander. It gave me a way to escape from being myself and provided me with a fun stress reliever. Although it wasn't fun getting slammed on concrete or getting hit in the head with a chair, but it did however provide me with a confident boost. I enjoyed wrestling and intend on continuing my small minute career in the independent wrestling circuit. I don't expect to go anywhere big with this but this was something me and my, now eighteen year old, son use to do when he was younger.

   I quit wrestling for Big Time Pro Wrestling (BTW) because of some transportation issues along with some personal issues I was dealing with. I am planning on getting back into the ring once I get our financial situation and transportation issues straightened up. I am not sure if I will be able to wrestle for BTW again or if I will have to go else where but my intentions and desire are to be in the ring as soon as possible.

   Now here we are in the present day. I just moved to The Plains, Ohio. I am getting ready to finish up my courses in Game Design through Stratford Career Institute, I am working on a book that I am not sure I will get published, I am working at McDonald's for now until I can find me a better paying job, I am working on getting back into Wrestling, I am planning on getting a car out of income tax and reconnecting with everyone that I have lost contact with due to transportation issues.

   Things are looking up somewhat now but something still remain the same. I still deal with procrastination and some other limiting issues but one thing that has changed is my determination. I am more determined now more than ever to better my life no matter what it takes. I am tired of feeling stuck and I realize that I was holding myself back from achieving greatness and success. It doesn't matter what others think or say. They are not your judge nor are they the ones who decide your worth or your fate. You are the key decision maker on how your own life turns out. Stop letting others make choices for you like I did. If you have a sound mind then you can make rational choices. What really matters is if you can be happy with your choices throughout the day when you lay your head down on your pillow at the end of the day.

   Please feel free to comment down below. I am excited to hear from you and welcome any tips or advice any of you may have. I appreciate you taking the time to read my post. I know I am knew to blogging in general and am very grateful for you all. I will try and post more interesting post soon. I just felt the urge to rant a little.

Curve Ball of LIfe Tips

Curve Ball of Life Tips
   This year has thrown a ton of curve balls at me. It was like I was standing in front of one of those automatic baseball pitching machines set on the highest setting. We all know that unexpected events happen throughout the course of our life but man, I must have opened the pandora's box of curve balls cause it's been rough.

   Now I am not complaining about my life because in all actuality it's really good. I have a loving wife and wonderful kids. I also have a good family to back me up. I am very grateful for my life and everything that has brought me up to this point and made me who I am today.

   However, what I am focusing on here is how to help others who like me are burdened down with stress from a recent move, family, friends, finances, education and other stressful situations. Unfortunately the help I am offering isn't money or an answer to  everyone's stressful situations but it is simple advice I have received over time and some information I've found online during my research. I figured if it's helping me then it might help someone else.

   1.  Please don't get discouraged. We all have trials and tribulations that we face everyday. Nobody's situation can be as worse or less important than someone else. The reason for that is because some where in life someone has either faced what you're going through or is going through something similar to what you're dealing with right now. Remember you're not alone. The world is a big place and you have people like me that will take the time to listen. I honestly believe that having someone to listen helps a lot. We sometimes get over loaded and discouraged because we feel that no one cares. Although the world is a selfish place, there are people that try their best to help.

     In addition to not getting discouraged, take time out to take a breath. Being able to walk away and calm down if your upset or stressed really helps. Its like a veil falls down from over your eyes and your  able to think clearer and address the issue better. Your still breathing and walking so that means what you're dealing with hasn't killed you. The sad fact is that if we don't get our stress under control then it could lead to some health issues such as a hearth attack. When we are stressed, our heart beat is elevated which in time could wear out our heart. I don't want to see this happen to me or anyone. That is why I began searching for ways to deal with stress and other curve balls that life has thrown at me.

     2. Don't be afraid to admit when you are at that breaking point. By all means, tell someone if your have reached the point that you're not able to take any more. It is better to get help than let the darkness encompass you and tear you apart from the inside. I know this from experience. I have seen it as well. There is no shame in seeing a psychologist if your to that dark part of the path where everything fells like it's closing in on you. We cannot control everything. If we could, life would be so much easier. Your alive and kicking and there are people out there that thrive off seeing you healthy and strong. We sometimes forget about the ones we hurt when we let the darkness take over. The darkness can be anything negative or harmful such as depression, suicidal thoughts, stress, anger..etc.

     Take one day at a time. That is what my Dad always told me. I always looked toward my dad for advice but a majority of the time I never took it. I wish now that I would have but it's not good to live with regrets. Keep moving forward. Do something to take your mind off the problem for a while if it's getting at you so badly. I know there are some situations that prohibit you from being able to do that. Those problems need your immediate attention and need to be resolved fairly quickly. Just don't rush into things like I have in the past and evaluate your choices. Pick what's best for you. It's easier to deal with a negative situation with a calm and collective mind set and attitude.

     3. What are your options. Turn over every stone. Look through every open door and attempt to unlock doors that are closed to you by circumstances such as not having transportation or help from an individual. If there is a will, there is a way. It's just hard finding a way sometimes. This doesn't seem true with everything and sometimes it's not. This is just something my dad told me, which I later learned that it was his way of saying that if you want it bad enough, you will find a way to get it. I believe this 100% of the way.

     4. Keep your chin up.  Finally, keep your chin up. As my friend James Howell always told me, a solution will present itself all we need to do is sometimes be patient. This however, isn't me telling you to sit still and do nothing but wait. What I am saying is get out and make every attempt to solve and fix the issues you're having. It takes effort, sacrifice and patience among other things to accomplish anything. We sometimes limit ourselves through fear and wanting to be accepted or maybe it's the need to be assured that we're making the right choices. These issues are a direct affect of being controlled or being too dependable on others to put their two cents into what they feel that you should be doing with your life and time. It's your life. Be grateful for your parents and others who have helped you but don't ever let anyone control your life and tell you what is good for you or not. Listen to advice but be discerning when accepting any type of advice.

    In conclusion to this blog, stress is mainstream of our life. It's hard to avoid at times but it can be dealt with. These are just a few tips and some advice I've gotten throughout the years. I hope it was informative and inspiring to you. I hope to hear from you so leave a comment below in the comment section. Let me know if this was helpful or if you have any other advice or ideas. 

Hello Fellow Bloggers

   Hello Bloggers. My name is Matthew Spillman. I am 36 years old. I am married and have four wonderful kids. I am currently taking online classes through Stratford Career Institute. My major is Game Design. I am an avid video gamer and toy collector. I love to draw, write, read and spend time with my family and friends.The purpose of this first blog is to  introduce myself.

   With that being said, lets begin. I am a novice to blogging although I have computer skills. I never attempted blogging before because I never knew there was money in blogging. On top of that, I never really knew what blogging was. Now that I am more aware and knowledgable about blogging and the benefits you can reap from it, I am now ready to take a shot at it.

   The blogs that I will display here in the introduction post will pertain to my hobbies such as my love and passion for drawing, writing science fiction books, making my own comic books and developing games. I am going to create another section that will host my more serious blogs. I intend on doing extensive research on my favorite moves, actors, authors, directors, products, books, TV series, internet sites, how to tutorials, our economy, politics, video games reviews and much, much more.

   I am looking forward to getting to know a lot of my followers and avid readers. I will be posting my first science fiction book in chapters here on blogger. If I get enough readers and comments, I will finish it up and publish it. I will also post here in my Introduction section when I need some game testers to test my game out when it's completed.

   With that being said, lets get started. My first personal blog should be up in the next couple of days. For anyone that is interested in furthering their education but can't afford college or has run out of financial aid, you can enroll at Stratford Career Institute for around thirty-eight dollars a month. Their website address is: http://www.scitraining.com. You can use me as a referral if you like. Thank you for taking the time to read my first blog and I am looking forward to reading your comments.