These people around us that have things that we want have worked hard and networked themselves to get to where they are today. They are open minded individuals who know where they want to be in life and have taken the opportunity that was open to them by their hard work and determination. I am not saying that we haven't worked hard to get to where we are at. What I am saying is that maybe we just didn't zig when we should have zagged. This doesn't mean that we are stuck, it just means that we need to explore new routes to get to where we want to be. I have realized that we as individuals create our own stress by pulling way to much on ourselves than we can bare at the present moment.
Just because we haven't made the right choices doesn't mean it is over for us. No, it just means that we have to take a different path. Making mistakes is a part of being human. It's how we learn and evolve into great individuals. Some of us however have to repeat the mistake several times before learning a lesson from our errors. For me, I have found myself a victim of guilt and being told that I was no good and that I would never amount to much. Why I let others place a limit on my growth and accent to greatness is a mystery to me. The only answer I can come up with is fear and the negative attack to my self esteem.
My confidence had been shaken at a young age. It wasn't until the last three years that I've begin to believe in myself. I have realized that some of us don't like to blame ourselves for our shortcomings so we look to blame other things or people. It's not anyone or anythings fault that your still in the position your in today. It's not even your fault because you've been controlled by fear, guilt or some other emotion that has been controlling you and keeping you still. But it is up to you to get past them. Since realizing my own failure to move forward with my life, I have been trying to network and build up my life the way that I want it to be. It's going to be hard and very stressful and I know that I lack the drive sometimes to put myself out there because I start to doubt myself but I must succeed. The thing is that I know there is always others out there that have had it a lot harder than me so why am I having a hard time believing that others will see my worth in a positive perspective?
The problem I am have is that I don't have enough confidence in myself or believe that I have the skills required to achieve my goals and achieve my dreams because I lack the experience or knowledge. So now I am on a guest for knowledge and experience. Doubt is a dream killer and fear is a locked door that keeps us from doing what we want. The reason we see others around us being successful is because they wanted it so bad that they wouldn't stop for anything until they got what they wanted. So the question that I have for myself and others like me is "How bad do you want it?" This is what I ask myself everyday.
My journey started for independence and making something of myself started a long time ago. At a young age, I was made fun of in school and ridiculed. I felt like a failure at home because it seemed as if I was always in trouble for something. This is when I turned to drawing and reading comic books. I didn't have much friends or things to do for fun so my imagination ran wild. I made straight A's and B's in art class. I made drawing a passion of mine. It was funny because mom would always get on to me for drawing monsters. The reason I drew them was because that was how I seen my life.
My son was born in 1995. I didn't graduate from High School until 1997. Afterwards, I tried my hand at college but was very indecisive about what I really wanted to study. Things didn't work out for me and I ended up dropping out, going back and dropping out again. It was during this time that I was introduced to Star Wars and the realm of George Lucas' imagination. My good friend from school, James Howell, introduced me to Star Wars. After seeing one movie, I was hooked. I didn't have enough money at the time to buy the box set.I really wanted the movies so that I could watch them all in chronological order so I could understand the whole story. We were very limited on our finances and only had enough to splurge every so often. I had a game system in which I had to take to the local pawn shop to get money so that I could get my son some things he needed if that gives you a rough idea of how hard we had it. It was just me and my son living in a two bedroom apartment. While I was at the pawn shop, I spotted the trilogy box set of Star Wars setting on the shelf and immediately counted my money after pawning my game console. I had more than enough to get what I need for my son and buy the box set, which was only ten dollars. I bought the box set and went to the store to get what we needed.
After getting home, I spent time with my son and finished up the chores I needed to get done before relaxing for the day. When my son went down for nap, I popped the first movie of the trilogy into the VCR we had. I was amazed at how incredible the movie was and at how creative the universe that was created by George Lucas. Shortly afterwards, I began collecting start wars memorabilia. Before I realized it, I had over three-thousand dollars worth of stuff collected. My walls was lined up with action figures and light-sabers. My collection ended up going to my son one year when I didn't have enough money to get everything I wanted to get him for his birthday. Everything was still in brand new condition and unopened. I am still an avid Star Wars fan and cannot wait until the new movies come out in 2015.
From then up to now, I've tried to rebuild my collection but to no avail, I haven't been able to. I am still wanting to rebuild my collection and go to a Star Wars Celebration, which I have yet to do. Star Wars opened up my creativity and desire to design my own world and system even more than ever before. Since then, I have started writing my own book. I am still working on it because I have procrastinated over the years and ended up loosing some of my data. I am currently working on the design for an online web comic book series.
Two years ago I started breaking out of my shell and joined a pro wrestling company. I wrestled for about a year under the name Seth Alexander. It gave me a way to escape from being myself and provided me with a fun stress reliever. Although it wasn't fun getting slammed on concrete or getting hit in the head with a chair, but it did however provide me with a confident boost. I enjoyed wrestling and intend on continuing my small minute career in the independent wrestling circuit. I don't expect to go anywhere big with this but this was something me and my, now eighteen year old, son use to do when he was younger.I quit wrestling for Big Time Pro Wrestling (BTW) because of some transportation issues along with some personal issues I was dealing with. I am planning on getting back into the ring once I get our financial situation and transportation issues straightened up. I am not sure if I will be able to wrestle for BTW again or if I will have to go else where but my intentions and desire are to be in the ring as soon as possible.
Now here we are in the present day. I just moved to The Plains, Ohio. I am getting ready to finish up my courses in Game Design through Stratford Career Institute, I am working on a book that I am not sure I will get published, I am working at McDonald's for now until I can find me a better paying job, I am working on getting back into Wrestling, I am planning on getting a car out of income tax and reconnecting with everyone that I have lost contact with due to transportation issues.
Things are looking up somewhat now but something still remain the same. I still deal with procrastination and some other limiting issues but one thing that has changed is my determination. I am more determined now more than ever to better my life no matter what it takes. I am tired of feeling stuck and I realize that I was holding myself back from achieving greatness and success. It doesn't matter what others think or say. They are not your judge nor are they the ones who decide your worth or your fate. You are the key decision maker on how your own life turns out. Stop letting others make choices for you like I did. If you have a sound mind then you can make rational choices. What really matters is if you can be happy with your choices throughout the day when you lay your head down on your pillow at the end of the day.
Please feel free to comment down below. I am excited to hear from you and welcome any tips or advice any of you may have. I appreciate you taking the time to read my post. I know I am knew to blogging in general and am very grateful for you all. I will try and post more interesting post soon. I just felt the urge to rant a little.
